It’s true! In light of a recent experience, it’s clear that I may have missed my calling. I am a master negotiator and could have used that skill for the benefit of humanity. What is my proof?

Faded on one side, our outdoor chair cushions, which now clashed with our newer exterior house colour, weren’t worth selling, but they were still serviceable. Since it was time for them to live at someone else’s house, why not have some fun finding that someone else? So, I listed them for free on Facebook Marketplace, with the provision that the recipient trade something for them. Through tough negotiations, the deal of a lifetime landed in my lap. As a consummate bargainer, I accepted the first offer, which everyone knows is the sign of a bargainer extraordinaire. A 1.8 kg, unopened tub of yogurt. What a deal!

That tub, which now resides in my fridge, is a clear indication that I missed my calling. As a member of the diplomatic corps, I could have lived in exotic places and negotiated agreements at the highest levels of government. Officials would have rushed to my door to discuss terms with me. With more experience, I might even have risen to the dizzying heights of Minister of Foreign Affairs. With my expertise in negotiating trade agreements, my fellow Canadians would have only suffered financial difficulties for a few generations, if not in perpetuity. I could have even become a lawyer who would change lives. With the settlements I reached, my clients might have been able to afford coffee at Tim Horton’s. Oh, the possibilities are endless. But sadly, I MISSED MY CALLING!

Having made such a beneficial trade, what did two people do with 1.8 kilograms (4 lbs.) of yogurt? We got creative. It was a tasty addition to my layered breakfast of oatmeal with a spoonful of peanut butter stirred in, then a dollop of the plain yogurt, fruit and walnuts topping that, and to finish, drizzled with a bit of honey. Blobs of it landed on bowls of sliced peaches, sprinkled with a bit of granola. My husband used it in smoothies, and I replaced sour cream with it in baking recipes. I have not yet resorted to bathing in it or using it as face cream or an all-purpose, environmentally friendly cleaner. However, there is still part of a bucket in the fridge, so that possibility exists.

Did I mention that my fellow trader said it didn’t expire for a month? He lied. It expired in a week. I know yogurt keeps for a long time, but I’m not sure it will still be viable in 2027.

My husband’s niece and her husband scored a free house on Marketplace in the U.S. All they had to do was pay to move it, which they did, and then planted it on a new foundation on their property. Can you imagine the tough deal I could drive if I offered a free house? Who knows? I might push so hard that I wrangle a load of giant zucchinis for it!

As you can see, my talents are legendary. However, the type of legend is open to question. Maybe it’s not a bad thing that I missed my calling.

Thank you for reading about my silly adventures.