Wherefore art thou, Brenda? That Shakespearean misquote asks a question I can’t always answer because sometimes I don’t know. At the mercy of a strong-willed GPS, that situation occurred last week.

As mentioned in previous blog articles, I lack a sense of direction. I suspect my father realized that much sooner than I did. While in our teens, he was the head of the ambulance department of a city hospital. Dad offered my older sister a part-time position as a dispatcher during her student years. He did not make me the same offer. That was probably because I would never have survived my probationary period, and the lawsuits would have been horrific. The first time my directions sent an ambulance to Vancouver instead of the other end of our southern Ontario city, it would have been all over. I had a wise father.

Hence, my need for outside assistance. The GPS is a marvellous invention; however, her strong will is something to contend with. Last week, I employed her to guide me to an appointment in the Greater Toronto Area, about two hours from my home. I hate driving on major highways, so the route I chose avoided them but was still fairly direct. It was not the GPS’s preferred route; it was the one I preferred and had driven once before. But we agreed to disagree, and I won the battle of wills, or so I thought.

The trip to the city was uneventful, and I breathed a sigh of relief when my destination appeared before me. Ah, the magic of dependence on something that can read a map! However, it was on the return trip that it all went wrong. I had stopped for an errand about a kilometre into my journey. Not wanting to leave my phone in the car, I took it with me but decided not to stop the guidance. She wasn’t happy about that. As we walked up and down store aisles, a distressed voice from my purse informed me that I needed to turn around or head in a different direction. Eventually, her voice went silent after, in despair, sending a final message of defeat, “guidance lost.” 

But she is a strong-willed GPS, and as soon as I left the store and headed for my car, she was good to go. The simulated creature seemed to have held no grudge about her ill-treatment, and we continued. Little did I know. It was an idyllic day with the sun shining, the lush late-spring grass at its emerald best, and the flowers displaying their glory. With the responsibility of navigation delegated to the accommodating artificial brain, my mind was in free fall. I spent some time in prayer, mulled over the current political situation, and ultimately turned my thoughts to the ever-present quandary: What will I make for dinner this week?

As my mind returned to the mundane, I looked around me. Nothing looked familiar. Wherefore art thou, Brenda? No clue. I glanced at my GPS. This strong-willed mini-intelligence had out-manoeuvred me, superimposed her will over mine and reverted to her preferred route. It likely happened when the connection was lost and reestablished. So much for no hard feelings! I had been enjoying my mental holiday and hadn’t paid close enough attention to where she had directed me. Where was I? The only thing I could do was carry on, and hopefully, I wouldn’t end up in Europe.

Her route was supposedly three minutes faster than mine, but I can’t imagine how. I meandered through numerous picturesque little towns with a speed limit of 60 km/hr, and several of them had community safety zones where the speed limit was 30 km/hr. I saw more lush green grass at its emerald best and flowers displaying their glory, but I appreciated them far less. Eventually, the strong-willed GPS’s route and mine converged, and I again recognized familiar sights.

Have you watched the classic movie Space Odyssey 2001? If so, you might see a resemblance between HAL, the computer that tries to take over the spaceship, and my GPS. As I travelled, I had the uncomfortable feeling that the pleasant female voice on my guidance system might change at any moment. Imagining a low, deep monotone saying, “Bren-da,” creeped me out and slightly unsettled me. Do you think a strong-willed GPS could try to take over the world one car at a time? I’m pretty certain I’ve met a candidate for their fearless leader!

Thank you for investing your time in reading about my adventures.